I've gotta be honest here, I have huge doubts that M is going to pull off a big move on Saturday. She hasn’t packed a single thing, she hasn’t thrown anything away, and her room looks exactly like it did before she ever decided to move. There isn’t even any inclination that she is moving, like I dunno... boxes! Nothing at all, and I’m even starting to wonder if this is even happening at all. Maybe S got the info wrong, or maybe M changed her mind?
The anticipation is building but at least it will all come to an end tomorrow when she finally lets the cat out of the bag. I’ve been dreading this awkward conversation all week now. She has barely been here because I’m sure she’s avoiding me and I’m thankful because smiling at her while she lies to my face is a little more than I can stomach! I also have to go to my Mom's birthday dinner tomorrow night so I won't even be home right after work... ahhh, I want to get this over with.
Good luck to me tomorrow. Let's do this shit!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
AGHHHH!
The dishes have been piling up in M’s sink and of course she won’t wash them until the tower is higher than the one in fucking Piza. She has used every glass in the house except for one. She’s left one in the cupboard because I had a shit fit last time she used all of them and didn’t wash any. The funny thing is, she’s been reusing her travel coffee mug rather than just WASHING THE DISHES. My question, why can’t she reuse a regular glass instead of her coffee mug? Her thought process is more baffling than the chicken and the egg.
Thankfully, I haven’t seen her since I found out the big news about her moving. I decided to ask her to buy more toilet paper and liquid hand soap before she finds out that I know! I’m so devious. Of course, when I asked her to pick up the necessities, she responded with , “Can it wait until Friday, I’m broke!” Well, I’m not fucking buying the shit for the millionth time in a row, so I guess we’re not washing our hands till the end of the week. This is the second time that she has told me she doesn’t have enough money to afford toilet paper. The second time out of a total of THREE times that I’ve ever asked her. What the fuck would she do if I wasn’t here to provide my dollar bills to cleanse her fucking asshole? AGHHHH!!!
Thankfully, I haven’t seen her since I found out the big news about her moving. I decided to ask her to buy more toilet paper and liquid hand soap before she finds out that I know! I’m so devious. Of course, when I asked her to pick up the necessities, she responded with , “Can it wait until Friday, I’m broke!” Well, I’m not fucking buying the shit for the millionth time in a row, so I guess we’re not washing our hands till the end of the week. This is the second time that she has told me she doesn’t have enough money to afford toilet paper. The second time out of a total of THREE times that I’ve ever asked her. What the fuck would she do if I wasn’t here to provide my dollar bills to cleanse her fucking asshole? AGHHHH!!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Good Riddance
I’ve spent all day searching online for places to live. It’s such a hassle because the only things I can reasonably afford are either total shit holes or the size of my asshole. I am so angry and frustrated with everything that I just want to be childish and petty. Like hide the toilet paper, hand soap, dish soap, dishes, EVERYTHING because she hasn’t paid for a single item in that house. She just uses and uses like it is all a never ending supply.
Turns out that her grandpa has offered for her to come live with him rent free because his wife has just passed away and he knows that M is in dire financial trouble. Ok. I know that this is a very good opportunity for M to cut a big monthly cost out of her budget and put it towards paying back her mountain of debt. I can’t blame her for taking this opportunity but it fucks me over somethin’ fierce!
I still can’t believe that she is going to pretend she doesn’t know all week. How can she look me in the eye knowing that she’s going to be dropping a bomb on Friday? I would give her as much notice as possible so that she could start looking! She is such an idiot.
She also told S that she “better get the security deposit back!” She makes it sound like it is my responsibility to give that back to her. Give me a break. There is no way I am handing her that money back, it was given to the landlords. She is also coming back in one month’s time and helping me clean the place. Then, after the inspection, if they decide the place hasn’t been trashed, they will hand her the money. No reason to get all indignant about it.
Good riddance, cow.
Turns out that her grandpa has offered for her to come live with him rent free because his wife has just passed away and he knows that M is in dire financial trouble. Ok. I know that this is a very good opportunity for M to cut a big monthly cost out of her budget and put it towards paying back her mountain of debt. I can’t blame her for taking this opportunity but it fucks me over somethin’ fierce!
I still can’t believe that she is going to pretend she doesn’t know all week. How can she look me in the eye knowing that she’s going to be dropping a bomb on Friday? I would give her as much notice as possible so that she could start looking! She is such an idiot.
She also told S that she “better get the security deposit back!” She makes it sound like it is my responsibility to give that back to her. Give me a break. There is no way I am handing her that money back, it was given to the landlords. She is also coming back in one month’s time and helping me clean the place. Then, after the inspection, if they decide the place hasn’t been trashed, they will hand her the money. No reason to get all indignant about it.
Good riddance, cow.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Ahem.
Forgive my caps-filled Kanye-esque rant. I have had a chance to cool down now but I am still extremely angry because M has decided that she is moving out. Of course, I am more than pleased that I will never have to see her stupid fucking face in my home ever again but I am not pleased that I have to either pay double the rent or move the fuck out of dodge.
Despite the fact that M has been wiping her ass with my money for the past year and a half, she doesn't think she owes me the courtesy of telling me she's moving until Friday. Why? Because she is scared that I will damage her car so she wants to wait until the day before she moves out. S was the one who let me know this info, since I suppose she confided in him, which was her mistake. He thought it would nice to let me know ahead of time so that I have, oh I don't know, a chance to look for a NEW HOME.
According to S, she plans to pay for next month's rent and tell the landlords, then tell me on Friday, and then finally move out on Saturday. What a sneaky little bitch.
Despite the fact that M has been wiping her ass with my money for the past year and a half, she doesn't think she owes me the courtesy of telling me she's moving until Friday. Why? Because she is scared that I will damage her car so she wants to wait until the day before she moves out. S was the one who let me know this info, since I suppose she confided in him, which was her mistake. He thought it would nice to let me know ahead of time so that I have, oh I don't know, a chance to look for a NEW HOME.
According to S, she plans to pay for next month's rent and tell the landlords, then tell me on Friday, and then finally move out on Saturday. What a sneaky little bitch.
Fuck You.
FUCK YOU
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT, I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON ALL THE GODDAMN PILES OF HAIR THAT HAVE CLUMPED AND MATTED INTO THEIR OWN BEINGS ON YOUR FLOOR. YOU USE ME TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR LAZY ASS AND BUY YOUR FUCKING TOILET PAPER AND YOU USE MY KETCHUP TO MAKE SHIT FUCKING SOUP. ALL YOU DO IS SLEEP, SHOWER, AND FUCKING WORK. I HATE YOU. I HAVE HATED YOU SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. WE WOULD DITCH YOU AT LUNCH TIME BECAUSE IT IS AGONIZING TO WATCH YOU EAT, ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT YOUR FOOD FOR 30 SECONDS BEFORE YOU EVEN TAKE A BITE. AND THE WAY YOU MOVE YOUR MOUTH IS NOT FUCKING CUTE, ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A STROKE.
YOU ARE MOVING IN ORDER TO GET OUT OF DEBT? GIVE ME A BREAK – THAT WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN. YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A CREDIT CARD OR EVEN A LIBRARY CARD FOR THAT FUCKING MATTER. THE FACT THAT YOU AREN’T TELLING ME UNTIL FRIDAY IS A FUCKING JOKE – YOU THINK I’M GOING TO DAMAGE YOUR CAR BECAUSE YOU’RE MOVING OUT? GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME. I WOULD NEVER FUCK UP YOUR CAR, BECAUSE WHEN I HAND YOU THE ROOM-MATE CHRONICLES, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT I’VE DONE WAY MORE DAMAGE TO YOU THEN A BASEBALL BAT TO A CAR WOULD EVER DO. THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU. YOU ARE A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE.
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT, I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON ALL THE GODDAMN PILES OF HAIR THAT HAVE CLUMPED AND MATTED INTO THEIR OWN BEINGS ON YOUR FLOOR. YOU USE ME TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR LAZY ASS AND BUY YOUR FUCKING TOILET PAPER AND YOU USE MY KETCHUP TO MAKE SHIT FUCKING SOUP. ALL YOU DO IS SLEEP, SHOWER, AND FUCKING WORK. I HATE YOU. I HAVE HATED YOU SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. WE WOULD DITCH YOU AT LUNCH TIME BECAUSE IT IS AGONIZING TO WATCH YOU EAT, ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT YOUR FOOD FOR 30 SECONDS BEFORE YOU EVEN TAKE A BITE. AND THE WAY YOU MOVE YOUR MOUTH IS NOT FUCKING CUTE, ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A STROKE.
YOU ARE MOVING IN ORDER TO GET OUT OF DEBT? GIVE ME A BREAK – THAT WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN. YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A CREDIT CARD OR EVEN A LIBRARY CARD FOR THAT FUCKING MATTER. THE FACT THAT YOU AREN’T TELLING ME UNTIL FRIDAY IS A FUCKING JOKE – YOU THINK I’M GOING TO DAMAGE YOUR CAR BECAUSE YOU’RE MOVING OUT? GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME. I WOULD NEVER FUCK UP YOUR CAR, BECAUSE WHEN I HAND YOU THE ROOM-MATE CHRONICLES, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT I’VE DONE WAY MORE DAMAGE TO YOU THEN A BASEBALL BAT TO A CAR WOULD EVER DO. THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU. YOU ARE A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Metal on Metal
You’ve gotta love Facebook when it comes to learning ridiculous shit about people’s lives. M is no holds barred on FB and likes to tell everyone all of her problems in the most public of forums.
Her status today: “So who wants to install new rotors, pads, and bearings on my brakes? Will pay in cash and/or beer! I’m looking for it to be done in 2 weeks or so. I’m down to metal on metal and one rotor already seized, lol!”
That’s right. After she told everyone that her brakes are on the verge of failing, she laughed out fucking loud. That isn’t something to laugh about, you complete waste of a human being.
Update:
Oh god. She just sent me a text saying that her car has been keyed, scratched and dented while it was at the dealer today getting some sort of engine flush. I explained to her that it is rather unlikely that that much obviously intentional damage would be done at the dealership but she claims that it definitely happened there. Newsflash, they just happened to wash your car for the first time since you’ve had it and all of a sudden you notice all the nicks that the dirt used to cover up.
They also weren’t going to give her car back to her at the dealer because her brakes are so worn down that they claim it isn’t road safe. Wow, and M is NOTORIOUS for not leaving enough distance when she brakes ( I know, I thought she was notorious for flirting too, guess we were wrong!)
Anyway, she just got home and I asked her about the damage. She said that there are scratches all over it and that the key scratch goes all the way from the headlight to the tail light. Wow. No one noticed the onslaught of physical damage being done to her car? No one saw the 15 year old with the baseball bat in broad fuckin’ day light?
She has told me that she is going to do the brakes herself because she saw a video on Youtube that explained the procedure step by step. My god. I am going to set up a lawn chair and watch this shit happen. I think I could probably sell admission to this gong show.
Ok, I’m tired already but I gotta get this out there: This Friday there is going to be a fundraiser for S’s lacrosse team and M is in charge of organizing it. I know what you’re thinking, this girl couldn’t organize apples and oranges, how the fuck is she going to organize an entire fundraiser? Well, who gives a shit, I like watching her fail.
Anyway, awhile ago she told me that there was going to be an espresso machine for the silent auction and when I asked about that tonight she told me that she won’t be able to afford the machine now. Confused, I asked her, “What do you mean you can’t afford the machine? Isn’t Starbucks donating it?” Turns out that M was actually going to buy the thing herself and donate it. I couldn’t help it, I burst into laughter. To which she whipped out the snob, “Well if you don’t want to know the answer, why did you ask?” Oh I did want to know the answer! I just had no idea that the answer would be the belly laugh of the century. M, YOU ARE POOR. YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO DONATE ANYTHING BUT GARBAGE.
*Sorry for my slight hiatus, I was deathly ill but thankfully, I’ve pulled through.
Her status today: “So who wants to install new rotors, pads, and bearings on my brakes? Will pay in cash and/or beer! I’m looking for it to be done in 2 weeks or so. I’m down to metal on metal and one rotor already seized, lol!”
That’s right. After she told everyone that her brakes are on the verge of failing, she laughed out fucking loud. That isn’t something to laugh about, you complete waste of a human being.
Update:
Oh god. She just sent me a text saying that her car has been keyed, scratched and dented while it was at the dealer today getting some sort of engine flush. I explained to her that it is rather unlikely that that much obviously intentional damage would be done at the dealership but she claims that it definitely happened there. Newsflash, they just happened to wash your car for the first time since you’ve had it and all of a sudden you notice all the nicks that the dirt used to cover up.
They also weren’t going to give her car back to her at the dealer because her brakes are so worn down that they claim it isn’t road safe. Wow, and M is NOTORIOUS for not leaving enough distance when she brakes ( I know, I thought she was notorious for flirting too, guess we were wrong!)
Anyway, she just got home and I asked her about the damage. She said that there are scratches all over it and that the key scratch goes all the way from the headlight to the tail light. Wow. No one noticed the onslaught of physical damage being done to her car? No one saw the 15 year old with the baseball bat in broad fuckin’ day light?
She has told me that she is going to do the brakes herself because she saw a video on Youtube that explained the procedure step by step. My god. I am going to set up a lawn chair and watch this shit happen. I think I could probably sell admission to this gong show.
Ok, I’m tired already but I gotta get this out there: This Friday there is going to be a fundraiser for S’s lacrosse team and M is in charge of organizing it. I know what you’re thinking, this girl couldn’t organize apples and oranges, how the fuck is she going to organize an entire fundraiser? Well, who gives a shit, I like watching her fail.
Anyway, awhile ago she told me that there was going to be an espresso machine for the silent auction and when I asked about that tonight she told me that she won’t be able to afford the machine now. Confused, I asked her, “What do you mean you can’t afford the machine? Isn’t Starbucks donating it?” Turns out that M was actually going to buy the thing herself and donate it. I couldn’t help it, I burst into laughter. To which she whipped out the snob, “Well if you don’t want to know the answer, why did you ask?” Oh I did want to know the answer! I just had no idea that the answer would be the belly laugh of the century. M, YOU ARE POOR. YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO DONATE ANYTHING BUT GARBAGE.
*Sorry for my slight hiatus, I was deathly ill but thankfully, I’ve pulled through.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Notorious
Awhile ago, when I inquired with M about designing the logo for "Thanks, Sherock", I asked if she had any examples of her work online. This is how, my friends, I got access to her new blog. Unfortunately she doesn’t talk about her personal life much, it is mostly just random musings about shit like fossil fuels and all in all, is very boring. I also don’t expect any juicy info about myself or her life because now she is aware that I know the link. Don’t worry though, you know that if anything worthy came up, you’d be the second to know!
Well, it was all totally boring until this new post where M claims she is a notorious flirt. Um, since when? I have never been privy to any of her flirting! She is insanely awkward and I guess her flirting must be what us normal folks call “polite conversation.” When you are notorious for something, that usually means people associate that with you or at the least, that you do it! What a retard.
She also wants everyone to know that she hates meeting guys and hates getting to know them. Why? Because all they want to do is bang her, duh! Jesus, is she serious? This may be true for the drunk and desperate guy who was already turned down eight times at the bar but definitely not true for anyone in a sober state!
I love reading her blogs and it is extremely unfortunate that I no longer have access to her personal one. It is so incredible to read what she thinks of her life because she lives in such a delusional state about herself.
Well, it was all totally boring until this new post where M claims she is a notorious flirt. Um, since when? I have never been privy to any of her flirting! She is insanely awkward and I guess her flirting must be what us normal folks call “polite conversation.” When you are notorious for something, that usually means people associate that with you or at the least, that you do it! What a retard.
She also wants everyone to know that she hates meeting guys and hates getting to know them. Why? Because all they want to do is bang her, duh! Jesus, is she serious? This may be true for the drunk and desperate guy who was already turned down eight times at the bar but definitely not true for anyone in a sober state!
I love reading her blogs and it is extremely unfortunate that I no longer have access to her personal one. It is so incredible to read what she thinks of her life because she lives in such a delusional state about herself.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Audit
Oh. My. God. M has been audited. How did I find this out? Oh, the way anyone would find out about someone’s monstrous financial woes – their Facebook status! Why on God’s green earth would you want to broadcast your shit storm of a life to everyone you know.
Here it is in all it’s glory:
“M has been audited in a bad way… and relatedly should really open mail sooner.”
Then, in response to someone’s “I hope it works out” words of encouragement, she says, “Uh no, it will not. They already assessed me. They say that I owe an additional $2000 for last year payable 2 months ago (I just opened it now) and I haven’t filed this year’s yet. And I owe medical money I think, I don’t know. It’s stupid, I can’t pay anyone so fuck it. Eff my life. No really, eff it.”
What does this mean for me, people? I don’t know anything about audits but I do know that when you owe the government money, they want it yesterday, now whenever you get around to it. I feel a word of pain coming on. Oh, Lordy.
Here it is in all it’s glory:
“M has been audited in a bad way… and relatedly should really open mail sooner.”
Then, in response to someone’s “I hope it works out” words of encouragement, she says, “Uh no, it will not. They already assessed me. They say that I owe an additional $2000 for last year payable 2 months ago (I just opened it now) and I haven’t filed this year’s yet. And I owe medical money I think, I don’t know. It’s stupid, I can’t pay anyone so fuck it. Eff my life. No really, eff it.”
What does this mean for me, people? I don’t know anything about audits but I do know that when you owe the government money, they want it yesterday, now whenever you get around to it. I feel a word of pain coming on. Oh, Lordy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Logo Lament
My friend and I are working on a new blog project! Yes, I know, it is very exciting and you should obviously visit us – Yep, that’s me plugging my new blog (and this shit is dead now, sorry for the broken pics.) Don’t worry, this isn’t just shameless self-promotion, it actually involves our beloved little ball of trash, M.
About two weeks ago, I asked M for help designing a logo – believe it or not, she is actually very talented with graphics and website design. She was extremely excited and happy about the idea and she said that she would love to do it. I asked for an estimated time frame and she said by this weekend (meaning last weekend). Now, does anyone think this has actually been done? Yeah, you can all say I told you so because this shit is stagnant. I asked her about three times for an updated time frame and she told me each time that she hasn’t been “inspired” yet. Um, I gave you clear fucking instructions. I didn’t know we asked you to paint the fuckin’ Sistine chapel, you slag.
Countless people were shocked and surprised that I even asked her. I held strong though and defended the fact that she was talented and that she would pull through. Well, I hereby declare that I was wrong.
About two weeks ago, I asked M for help designing a logo – believe it or not, she is actually very talented with graphics and website design. She was extremely excited and happy about the idea and she said that she would love to do it. I asked for an estimated time frame and she said by this weekend (meaning last weekend). Now, does anyone think this has actually been done? Yeah, you can all say I told you so because this shit is stagnant. I asked her about three times for an updated time frame and she told me each time that she hasn’t been “inspired” yet. Um, I gave you clear fucking instructions. I didn’t know we asked you to paint the fuckin’ Sistine chapel, you slag.
Countless people were shocked and surprised that I even asked her. I held strong though and defended the fact that she was talented and that she would pull through. Well, I hereby declare that I was wrong.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sherlock
The other night, M came home and asked me if I had company earlier because the landlords saw a man in the backyard looking into their windows. Well, no, I did not have company, and if I did, I certainly hope he wouldn’t be peering into any windows. So, obviously there is someone casing the place and all my shit is going to be carted out by some ethnic minority in the next few days. This all relates, because M sent me a text message after she went up to pay our rent for the month and it said:
“The landlords said that the guy in the backyard was looking in the windows. Probably casing the place, so we should be setting the alarm all the time now.”
Um, no fucking shit, Sherlock. I have been setting the alarm on a regular basis and even more so now that I know there is a dude frolicking in the backyard fancy-free. It took someone else telling her in order for her to realize that a man in the backyard means amp up security? Fucking idiot. When my tv is stolen, I am personally punching her in the mouth because we all know they aren’t taking any of her worthless trash.
In other news, M came home with a new $70 belt as well as eye liner and lip gloss from Mac Cosmetics. It sure sounds like the bitch is rolling in it. Lucky girl! She did say that the belt was “a million percent off” and she used a gift card for it. Where the fuck is she getting all of these gift cards from? Is she like Meredith from The Office who does tricks for Steakhouse gift cards? Fuck for those mashed taters!
“The landlords said that the guy in the backyard was looking in the windows. Probably casing the place, so we should be setting the alarm all the time now.”
Um, no fucking shit, Sherlock. I have been setting the alarm on a regular basis and even more so now that I know there is a dude frolicking in the backyard fancy-free. It took someone else telling her in order for her to realize that a man in the backyard means amp up security? Fucking idiot. When my tv is stolen, I am personally punching her in the mouth because we all know they aren’t taking any of her worthless trash.
In other news, M came home with a new $70 belt as well as eye liner and lip gloss from Mac Cosmetics. It sure sounds like the bitch is rolling in it. Lucky girl! She did say that the belt was “a million percent off” and she used a gift card for it. Where the fuck is she getting all of these gift cards from? Is she like Meredith from The Office who does tricks for Steakhouse gift cards? Fuck for those mashed taters!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Death in the Family
M’s grandma passed away last night. It’s pretty sad, considering the fact that I actually particularly liked her. She made great chocolate cake.
That’s it. No jokes. Mourn her, bitches!
That’s it. No jokes. Mourn her, bitches!
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