One Week and One Day

Since M and I only communicate via text now, I received one saying that she ran into a problem getting someone with a truck to help her move. I bet the problem is that no one fucking likes her or wants to help her move her roomful of garbage. She told me that she “got most of it” and that she would be done on Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Well, I definitely hope so because Thursday is her last day in the SS chateau.

And so that you know, when I came home today I got to have a look at what “got most of it” means: she took her desk. Remaining: 6 bags of garbage, bed, dresser, bookshelf, and some random items like a mirror and art she never hung.

One week and one day, bitches!!!

Crazy.

Earlier today, M sent me a text that said she was going to spend today and tomorrow moving the rest of her belongings out. I came home to see that she had only removed two boxes and taken her bed apart. Of course, this means that tomorrow she will have to move: 6 bags of garbage, a dresser, a desk, a bed, a bookshelf, and countless boxes of complete junk. I have a strange suspicion that she won’t actually get it all done! Call me crazy.

Eleven More.

Today was her last day off. She moved everything out and all is well and happy! Just kidding, of course. She didn’t move a fucking thing and all is HORRIBLE and MISERABLE. Eleven more days and I can throw her shit on the front lawn.

Mobile Moving

Well, M told me that she has today and tomorrow off of work so she should have all of her shit out of her room. Surprise surprise, I came home today and checked to see what exactly she took today and of course, barely anything. She still has 6 garbage bags, a dresser, a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf. In addition to this, there are several boxes and trinkets here and there on the floor. Now, I know what you’re thinking. If all of this remains, what on earth could she have possibly taken today? Her bedside table, of course.

Yes, she took one item today. What was she using as a moving vehicle? Her fucking bicycle? Oh, that’s right, she doesn’t know how to ride one because she is RETARDED.

Loser.

Drama-rama! I have been reading M’s twitter updates, of course. Naturally, she’s been non-stop blabbing about her love for S. They are painful things like, “I didn’t break it so why do I have to be the one to fix it” etc. She’s deleted them all now, but they were pretty damn priceless and desperate. He never liked you, even as a friend, you loser.

Anyway, I have been updating S whenever she writes something about him. This was silly of me because apparently I am the only one who can manage to keep anything from anyone. S tells his sister that M is insane and needs to stop writing crazy shit about him. His sister responds, “I don’t think that’s her on there.” Um, I’m pretty certain, since there is a PHOTO of her. God.

So now M knows that I read her tweets and is most certainly censoring herself now. She also thinks I should get a life. Ok, I probably should, but someone needs to document her existence so that future generations know how not to fuck up their lives.

Celebrity.

Tonight I had dinner plans with some friends that involved a few other people joining us that I didn’t know. B and I took this opportunity to tell these new comers all about the catastrophe that is M. I think we talked about her for over an hour and I could have kept going all night because quite frankly, she is a never ending well of ridiculous stories. Every time I blab on and on about M, or I share this blog with anyone, it usually ends in the same result, “I need to meet this girl.” I understand, it’s like meeting Amy Winehouse or Courtney Love. I gave these people the next best thing though, a tour of M’s room. Don’t worry, they kept their shoes on and didn’t touch anything. I don’t need to be sued.

In other news, I took a look at her blog today and it turns out that her account has been suspended due to non-payment. Yes, it actually said non-payment. That’s embarrassing.

Purge.

M claimed she was moving the rest of her shit today, which I was quite excited about because it was raining like a motherfucker and there’s nothing better than moving in the rain! Who are we kidding though, she didn’t take a single thing out of that room today.

Last night was my first roommateless night! Sure, all of her crap is still here and she still has a key, but she won’t be sleeping here anymore. Living alone is INCREDIBLE, even though it has only been one night. The door will never close on the bathroom again! One bad thing is that I will have to refer to her as “my friend” rather than my “roommate.” That is so much worse than people thinking I simply live with her.

We finally talked to the landlords and gave them notice. It was so incredibly awkward. I refused to be the one to inform them, since of course it wasn’t my decision, but that meant that it was up to M to do. We sat on the couch in silence for what seemed like 15 minutes. We would stare at the dog and laugh a little when he started going randomly ballistic at us. It was painful. Finally, M let it out and that was that. It was actually the landlord’s wife though, so her husband is going to come down this evening and I’m going to try and wheel and deal with him. Pray that I stay.

Another funny little tidbit that I found out today was that M is already sick of her grandpa! She sent me a message saying that he is getting on her nerves and that it is “his way or the highway!” I asked her what she meant and she said that he FORCED her to go take out a loan to get her brakes on her car done. She said they charged her $2800 for her brakes, calipers, rotors, brake lines, e-brake and some other brake-related crap. Who the fuck would pay that much money? Is it even possible for it to cost that much? And who keeps giving this girl loans??? Ah, the questions I will ponder until my death.


Update! The landlords are letting me stay!!! My rent has gone up a couple hundred bucks and they said that I could stay for “a few months” and then he would re-evaluate their financial situation. Ok, so maybe it’s not the best news ever but the fact that I don’t have to move in 30 days makes me feel INCREDIBLE!!! I even went and packed up all of M’s food, dishes, and laundry stuff and put it in her room. It is time to purge!

You Have No Funds

Today is the day that M “moved out!” I saw that in quotes because when I got home today and I looked in her room, it actually looked like she ADDED more shit to it. She had sent me a message earlier in the day telling me that she had moved everything but her furniture. It looks like she may have boxed and bagged up all of her belongings but I don’t think she’s actually removed anything from the premises other than her bathroom items.







Speaking of bathroom items, I went today and bought a pack of toilet paper and soap because last night I had to hide our last roll so that she wouldn’t use it. She still hadn’t bought any as of last night and when I woke up this morning, she had left ONE SQUARE for me to wipe my preciousness with. Fuckin’ dickwad. Of course the day that I buy some is the day that I come home to see that she has also purchased it. It’s about time!

So this is going to be one more day without us telling the landlords about M’s departure, despite the fact that she was apparently moving out today. She said that they didn’t see her moving out like a thief in the night, thank god. Apparently, she has a “prior engagement” to attend tonight so she can’t tell them. Um, yeah, you also have a “30 days notice” to give. M has also told me that tomorrow she has a very busy day as she is getting her brakes done. She claims this will cost her $2000 and it will take all day, so she’s hoping to swing by to talk to the landlords after that. When I exclaimed at the cost of her brakes, she went on to say that she was going to see an accountant as well. Um, for what? Who would possibly look at her seriously and what would they say? “Um, I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I have nothing to account. You have no funds.”

I’ve been talking to S over the past few days and he’s told me that M won’t stop e-mailing and messaging him. She keeps lamenting over his “betrayal” of her. He told her that he just doesn’t give a shit. I apologized for letting the cat out of the bag and getting him more involved than he was, to which he replied, “I could kill her whole family and she wouldn’t stay mad at me.” Touche, my friend, touché.
Anyway, I’m starting to get happier each day that I get closer to expelling her from my life like toxic waste. I just pray that the landlords let me stay here!

Wait a second, I just realized that those 6 garbage bags are not filled with her belongings, they are filled with ACTUAL GARBAGE. That is intense!

Great idea, numbnuts.

I came home for lunch today and, as usual, I went into M’s room to check the status on her packing. To my surprise and utter enjoyment, she had placed a bottle behind her door. I’m assuming she placed it there so that she would know if I came in, since the bottle would have been moved or knocked over by the door on my entrance. Oh, sweet and naïve girl, you are so fucking dumb. First of all, if you’re going to do that, you need to place something there that I won’t NOTICE. Perhaps something soft? Not a fuckin’ bottle that I feel the moment I put any pressure on the door. Second of all, obviously I’m just going to into your room and then put the bottle back the same way you did!

Please, people, I am way too fuckin’ savvy for this shit.

In other news, we went up to tell the landlords the situation. They weren’t home, unfortunately. It was only slightly awkward between M and I as we managed to have some civil conversation and a few jokes. She told me that she is moving tomorrow and that all but a few things will be gone! Finally the day is upon us.

Kobe Beef

So, it’s Sunday and she was supposed to give me the whole, “I’m fucking you in the ass by moving out” news on Friday. It’s 7pm now and M is still not up yet, so obviously she still hasn’t told me! I think she will probably just keep sleeping until tomorrow so that she can avoid telling me for one more day. How fucking pathetic.

Breaking news! She posted on her Facebook page at 6:30pm! This means that she is actually awake in her room and just hasn’t come out. I’ve been home all day with my bedroom door open, waiting. She hasn’t come out to eat or go to the bathroom or anything. What a fucking PSYCHO! She is that afraid? According to S, she hasn’t told me yet because I am “never around.” This is just getting absurd. I’ve written her a little “letter” that I intend to hand to her when she gives me the news… IF she ever gives me the news. It is as follows:

1. You cannot throw all your garbage out with our pick up. We only get one garbage can and it is not my fault that you haven't cleaned your room in well over a year.

2. You are coming back to clean when I move.

3. You are paying next month's rent.

4. You get your half of the deposit when I move, if they give the entire amount back.

Also, just so that you know, I have known for a week about you moving. I think that is shows a great deal about your character to have known for this long without giving me a heads up. It is also very telling that you expected me to damage your property or yell at you.

I am far too aware of the power of words and know that is unnecessary to use force to get a point across. I hope you are embarrassed about how you expected me to behave, especially considering the fact that I have never raised my voice in anger to you, ever.

I don't blame you for taking this opportunity - it is something that you desperately need, considering your financial situation. The only reason I am angry or upset at you is due to the way you handled the situation. The fact that you hid it from me and also the fact that you expected me to vandalize your car is a huge lack of respect for me and it is a shame you know me so little, even after living with me for a year and a half.


Update:

So I just confronted M because it was 9 o’clock and she still had not come out of her room, despite being awake since 6:30. She just got up moments ago, casually made conversation with me, had her shower and then disappeared back into her room. I knocked on the door and asked, “So you had something to talk to me about?” She replied, “Actually… Yes, I am going to be moving this month. But I am paying for the rent, of course.” She said it in a whisper so quiet I could barely make it out. I then told her that I’ve been waiting for a week for her to buck up and tell me. She asked how I knew and I told her that S told me, but that before she gets angry at him, to realize that he knew that pretending for a week without allowing me that extra time to look for a place of my own was not the right thing to do. I then read out the list of things that I want her to do before she leaves and she meekly nodded that she would do them, then I handed her the letter and told her to get her shit ready to go talk to the land lords. Actually, change of plans – We are going to talk to the landlords tomorrow after she gets off work at 7:30. It’s too late to talk to them now, I don’t want to look like an asshole going up there at 10pm on a Sunday night. Also, I don’t want her to start blubbering like an idiot because she’s so shaken up.

Update #2: Wow. I just went out to grab a drink of water before I head to bed and M has left a letter for me! The contents are as follows:

I just wanted to respond to a few thing. You said not telling you for a week reflects negatively on my character. Well, yeah, I should have told you sooner but it is hard for me to tell people things of an important or “bad news” nature. I really don’t like confrontation and I know that is something I should work on.
But you’re no character angel yourself, oh gossip queen, so let’s not judge each other.

I hope that we can continue to be civil and respectful for the next few weeks. Anyway, I will be home between 7:30 and 8pm tomorrow so we can talk to the landlords then.

P.S. Yes, obviously I’m paying April’s rent and wouldn’t dream of putting garbage out tomorrow in more amounts than we’re allowed. As for your other ‘terms’, I will consider.

See you tomorrow,
M.

Oh, I see the claws have come out! Wait, isn’t it my ass being fucked here? I kind of took my asshole behavior down a notch in my reply because unfortunately I have to share a living space and a lot of friends with this girl. My reply, via Blackberry Messenger was:

Hey, I don’t want this to be a big thing. I wanted to get how I felt off my chest and I hope you understand that. Like I said, I’m not mad about you moving. I totally understand. The whole situation is upsetting though, for both of us. So obviously we can be civil and I don’t think has to be the end of our friendship or anything ridiculous like that. I’m just obviously stressed that I need to move and you didn’t give me the heads up when you knew for a week. So now that I got it off my chest, I hope we’re cool. As far as my “terms” they’re just shit from the rental agreement. Of course you have to clean, we both lived here! And I don’t get my damage deposit back until we both leave either. The tp and soap, well let’s be realistic, I’ve bought 90% of it so its only fair. And that’s all I have to say about it, lol. I feel better now that it’s out in the open so I hope you do too.

M: Ya, for sure. It’s not so much about finances for me though, although ya, that’s an important part. Just stuff… that doesn’t matter but has made me see its for the best that this happen. So ya, I’ll pick up some soap and tp and see you tomorrow evening.

Ohhh, this is getting juicier than a plate of kobe beef!

TP and Soap

I woke up bright and early this morning as always! I went to see a place at 1pm and unfortunately it was so small that I could only fit about half of my belongings in it and it’s significantly more than I’m paying now. Woe is me. I guess it is an alright last resort but I still have a month so I’m going to keep on looking.
When I left to go view the place, M was still sleeping of course. When I got back, the light in her room was on but the door was closed, so I sat in the living room and watched TV for at least an hour. I waited for her to come out and finally I went into my room but left the door wide open so that she would see that I’m available so come and talk to me!

No such luck, she literally tiptoed out of the house. I wasn’t listening to music and my door was wide open, yet I didn’t hear her door open, her put her shoes on, or her open the main door. WTF! She is sneaking out in order to avoid talking to me. This is just beyond weird and so fucking inconsiderate.

Anyway, because I was so annoyed, I immediately sent her a text message that said “Bring TP and soap.” She got paid yesterday so that means she can’t use the, “I’m broke” excuse anymore. She responded with, “Ok, I will be home at 5:30 and I have something to talk to you about then.” I said, “Sure, just bring TP and soap.” I’m cold like ice, baby!

Naturally, at 5:45, I get a text saying that she is running late and won’t be able to talk to me today. An hour later she came to the house with her co-worker and they got dressed up in space-themed outfits for some charity bowling event. I wonder if the proceeds go to M’s failure at life?

She didn’t mention a single thing about moving, of course (and no, she didn't bring TP or soap). She also didn’t show her co-worker her room. Um, yeah, good idea.

Get out!

Things that have me excited about M’s departure:

1. No more dirty dishes in the sink! She runs water over her dishes when they are stilled filled with food matter and that creates a disgusting looking soupy mess. It sits there for days on end and I have to look at it while I do my own dishes. I also try ever so carefully not to accidentally touch it!

2. No more food in the fridge for countless months. She leaves it there and then forgets that it is hers! Expired yogurt, milk, buns, cheese, etc!

3. The tooth brush holder won’t fill up with water anymore! She puts her toothbrush back in and it’s so soaking wet still that it gradually starts filling the cup with water. I clean it out all the time, and it is something that I don’t think she has ever even noticed! It is so gross!!!

4. Her ugly shoes will finally be off my shoe rack. Your feet are fucking gigantic and your shoes don’t fit on the rack properly, so fuck off!!!

5. We won’t go through a pack of toilet paper a week! No more mystery wads of TP filling up the garbage can in the bathroom. That also means that I won’t have to change the garbage can in there every week. A full size garbage can and it would be full EVERY single week!

6. I hate vacuuming up her stray hairs. All the hairs will be mine, and it is much less disgusting and infuriating to clean up your own!

7. Her face, her work stories, her car stories!

8. I can stop walking around with this notebook that I keep all my Roomie Chron notes in!!!


Update:

I’m so infuriated. I cam home at 8:30 tonight expecting her to be there to tell me the big news, it is Friday after all! Through S, I found out that M is at a friend’s house and plans on going to see a movie tonight just to avoid me. Fuckin’ ridiculous. Man up! Apparently, she tried telling the landlords but they weren’t home. So, everyone and me will be asleep by the time her movie ends, does this mean we are all going to just wake up to see her moving out tomorrow?

I took a little look-see in her room and noticed about 4 moving boxes. I have to say, I’d be depressed if my life fit into four boxes. Then again, I’d be depressed if I was M, in general.

I’m supposed to be seeing two places tomorrow, wish me luck!