Burden

Not much to tell you. She hasn’t been extremely annoying, just mildly so. She also works so often that I pretty much never have to see her. Oh, we did go for breakfast this weekend and I ended up calling her “my burden” right in front of her. She seemed offended. Whatev, everyone else thought it was funny and that’s what counts.

Sad Clown

M “thinks licenses are overrated” and “doesn’t care what the law says.” She has informed me that if her appeal gets denied, that she will drive her car anyway. Yep. She’s going to be in jail. Looks like 2009 is going to be a doozey!

She has tonight off! It’s like the only Friday night she has had off, and will ever have off but we’re all going out to a concert and she isn’t. Aww, sad clown! Even her bestest buddy ever, S’s sister, is going to be at this show. Sucks to be a loser, I guess.

Dinner?

M is on a cooking kick! Tonight, she made spaghetti. She didn’t have any pasta sauce though so she decided to make her own. The ingredients? Italian salad dressing, ketchup, and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.

Anyone want to come over for dinner?

Kraft Dinner

Tonight, M made Kraft Dinner.

I know what you’re thinking. This is news? The girl comes from a low income family, surely she has made plenty of boxes of Kraft Dinner (Macaroni and Cheese for anyone in the USA) in her life time and she must be a seasoned pro. At least, this is what I thought.

I came out of my room to see her measuring out 6 cups of water and putting them into a pot. Naturally, I made fun of her, because who measures the water when they are making KD? She told me that she found a box of KD that she bought when we moved in, and that it had expired (who knew KD expired?) but it was either that or jam for dinner.

Anyway, I went back into my room to grab something and when I came out, she asked if she could use some of my milk. Of course, roomie! So she takes the carton of milk, and pours some into the pot… where the water is… that isn’t even boiling yet. I said, “What, the fuck, are you doing?”
“It makes it creamier! I do it with my Sidekicks all the time.”
“Um, M. Sidekicks REDUCE. You fucking strain Kraft Dinner. That milk will just go down the sink.”
“Oh… so you put the cheese in after you strain the noodles?”
“YES!!!”
“I wasn’t going to do that…”

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

Dumb Fuck

This morning, I woke up and got my shampoo out and everything ready for my shower. What does M do? She gets up and immediately walks into the bathroom and starts having her shower. FURIOUS. Either she noticed none of my shit out, or she is a fucking bitch. Either way, she is a dumb fuck.

Also, I told her that whatever is in the sour cream container that has been in the fridge for that last EON has likely expired. She looked puzzled, so I showed her the container, to which she said, “That’s not mine!” UM, YES, ACTUALLY, IT IS.

The container was filled with left over nasty food. She took it from her grandparent’s house and placed it in our fridge. There it sat for at least a month. She saw it every day for a month, and every day she thought to herself, “That’s not mine”??? Did she completely block it out of her memory? I just. don’t. get. it.

Once she gets a taste…

M drinks so much coffee/latte/mocha shit now that she works at Starbucks that she is pretty much constantly on this INSANE high. She runs around the house, she jumps around the house, she talks at a lightning speed, and is just in general, extremely annoying.

She told me that she simply HAS to illegally drive her car for two days next week because of the way her shifts go. She has to work and do training on the same day, and the bus doesn’t work out for her time-wise.

Man, if she doesn’t get stopped by the cops, then she’s going to go back to feeling invincible. She is addicted to fucking up. Once she gets a taste…

New Job, New Body

She came home at 10:40 tonight, just as I was heading to bed. I said goodnight to her and she told me that she was going to go exercise. I stared at her, somewhat dumbfounded. M doesn’t exercise. I told her to go sit on her computer and play solitaire like she usually does but apparently she went out for a jog.

I guess she thinks she’s going to finally turn her life around. New job, new body? That’ll last one day.

One thing that I am having trouble getting used to is her random schedule. I don’t know if she will be home when I get home, and therefore I pretty much always dread the moment I open the door to the house. So far so good though, she is rarely home

Yay!

M’s Facebook status: “Just when I thought things were going too good!”

You know what this means, folks! Another disaster has arrived. Last night she told me that was served papers informing her that her license is now suspended. She was actually tracked down and served and had to sign for the notice. This is how I heard the news, via Blackberry Messenger:

M: Hey friendo. If I email you a letter tomorrow can you print it out for me at work tomorrow? It is super urgent. ICBC suspended my license as of now, I’ve been served. So I need to appeal it as soon as possible as I am once again driving illegally. Argh, so frustrating! I’m not that bad of a driver, god! Lol

SS: Haha. Yes I can. I told you they would suspend you, it just takes time.

M: So fuckin stupid. There are people who’ve had more than 1 accident and 2
tickets. One of which for not having a stupid “N” (new driver’s sign) on my car! Hardly worth suspension. I’m worried they will seize my car because I had to sign for the letter and am supposed to surrender my plates at 9am.

SS: Whoaz.

M: Stuff like this always happens when I try and be happy. People wonder why I am so morbid and unhappy, well, this is why. Happiness is dangerous! Lol

I’m going to write a convincing letter so hopefully I’ll just be on probation. I’m gonna say I need to drive for work bank deposits etc and also that I learned my lesson in August! I’m havin’ like a heart attack right now!
Then I, as usual, burst her little bubble:

SS: My brother tried appealing his suspension before and he even had a pregnant girlfriend at the time and they still didn’t accept his appeal. So, I don’t know if bank deposits are going to convince them. Good luck!

M: Oh. Well that is not helping my lack of oxygen at the moment. Well… thanks. I will try and think of a persuasive letter.

Apparently she actually has to surrender her plates. I find this a little bit odd though, since insurance and licensing are two separate things and just because you have no license, doesn’t mean you can’t have a car insured in your name, does it? I mean, someone else could be using her car to drive her to work. I think she is probably just a high risk since obviously having no insurance on a car doesn’t stop her from driving it! She’s a plate switchin’ lunatic.

I guess she’ll be taking the loser-cruiser to her sweet new dead-end job at the ‘bucks!

Juicy Tidbits

I haven’t really spoken to M in the last few days but B has and she has just informed me of a few juicy tidbits I must share.

1. M hit B with her car. Yes, B was walking around the back of M’s car when she was parked in the driveway and M backed into her! B is actually bruised from the event, so it wasn’t just a simply love tap.

2. B commented on the new purse that she got, saying something like, “Wow, your new job must be going well if you can buy a nice purse like that!” to which M said something like, “Actually no, I am thinking of filing for bankruptcy.”

3. B has let me know that someone who has been driving standard for as long as M has been should definitely NOT be driving as poorly as M still is. The lag when she shifts is seriously enough to make you car sick.

Gross.

Ohhh! Not much news today other than the fact that M bought herself a new tooth brush! It is way too big to fit in our toothbrush holder as usual so it is strategically balancing on it and will be for many months until she gets a new one.

Why is this news-worthy? Well, because the last time she got a new one was 3 months ago. She uses her tooth brush until it is spread wider than her legs. She actually went to the dentist for the first time since she was a kid a few years ago and he told her that she needs gum surgery because she brushes her teeth so hard. He said that she has literally brushed away her gums.

Grrrrrooooossssss!

Bets?

M’s Facebook status proudly boasted that she is “starting a new life today.” Today happens to be her first day at her new Starbucks job! This is great news for me because she gets 30% off and you bet your buns that I will be using that to my advantage.

Shall we take bets? Is this actually going to be the turn around point for M? Only time will tell.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

HAAAAAALLELUJAH! The iced tea is in the sink! Let me just scroll up and see how long that bad boy has been in existence for: 12 solid days of fermentation! Absolutely delicious.

Tonight, M and I went for dinner and a movie. I know, why do I hang out with her when I hate her so much? Well, we used to hang out a lot more than we do now, and so after being apart from her for so long, one kind of forgets how ridiculous she can be.

The movie was at 7pm and she came to pick me up at 6pm. Let me just spell it out for you that one hour of time is not enough to drive to a restaurant, wait to be seated on a Saturday night, eat, pay, drive to the movies, buy a ticket, etc. So, I was already a little pissed that she picked me up so late.

Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter, I will skim over all of the insanely boring and awkward dinner conversation and get to the good part. We get in the car and M is backing out of her parking stall. You know how when you back out, and then you pull forward to either the left or right, sometimes it is a little tight and you have to back up again to avoid hitting the car that was parked beside you? Well, that happened but it went down a little differently than it would for say, you or I. I started yelling, “Whoa whoa whoa, you’re gonna hit that truck!” And then she stopped – phewf, just in time! So she puts it in reverse to give herself a little more space, but we were on a hill, and she is in a standard, so of course, we rolled into the truck. I said, “Holy shit, you just hit that truck” and she goes, “No, I didn’t!!” wtf. “M, I saw it fucking shake. You just hit it.” And so she backed up again and went on her merry way. When we drove by, I didn’t see any damage to the truck but still, man. She hit a parked vehicle.

The reason she was so late picking me up for dinner was because she was out shopping for black and white clothing, of course! She bought herself a very nice Guess bag which was $100 and a pair of shoes which were also $100. Don’t worry though, if you buy a pair of shoes and a bag, then you get 30% off of your purchase! I mean, who would pass that up??

Oh yeah, and her driving makes me car sick. The lag between each shift lasts like 30 minutes. Whip-lash.

Hodge Podge

I am sorry to say that there is not a whole lot to report for two reasons. 1. I have been deathly ill. 2. She has been… dare I say… happy. This saddens me so. It is so weird when things actually go well for her! Here is a hodge podge of news:

She received some stuff from Starbucks in the mail. The package was about company policy, information about the coffee, and dress code type stuff. It turns out that she can only wear black and white! That means that her big shopping spree of “Starbucks coloured clothing” was all for naught.

The iced tea is still in the fridge, by the way. Along with the grapes and beans that she bought oh so long ago. The grapes are turning into raisins. Dear god. Oh, and she ate yogurt slathered perogies at 8am two times this week. Gross.

And another wee tid bit: She excitedly told me and B about how she was parked in a parking garage downtown and when she was leaving, she backed into a pole so now there is yellow paint on her bumper. It’s just bizarre the way she tells these stories like she is actually thrilled that the event happened.

Mmm

I would love to give you an update about what has been happening with M today but she has been sleeping since 6am, and it is 10 pm now. That is 16 hours, folks.

One thing I can tell you is that her iced tea concoction is still sitting in the fridge. Mmmm.