Radio!

Holy shit. Get the fuck back in your house. Hide your children, lock up your pets, hide your potted plants, move your lawn gnome, park your car inside, jump out the damn way because our girl M is back on the roads and she’s comin’ for ya! Yep, you better believe it. I’m as shocked as you are that she came up with the funds and organized herself long enough to go to all the places she needed to be. First, she went to get her driver’s license back, which cost her about 500 bucks and then it was off to get her insurance…

Now, this is where it gets good. Just so that we all have a reference point, I have been driving for a few years now and have been completely accident and ticket free so far. My monthly insurance payment is $150. M went into the insurance place and was told that her insurance rate has risen 77% and that her monthly fee would be $540 – with no coverage. That, my friends, is $6500 a year and just shy of $18 a day. Essentially, she could take a cab to work every day and still be paying significantly less than she is paying to keep her car on the road.

The insurance agent explained to her that because she is a “new driver” on the road, her one accident is equivalent to a long term driver getting 6 accidents. Meaning, it would take the average joe 6 claimed accidents before they dropped down the 9 levels that M did when she decide to launch her shit into that Mercedes. What happens when M gets in another accident? And yes, that is WHEN, not if. Well, one more accident means that she will go from a +77% to +205% surcharge on the base insurance rate. Math is the opposite of my strong suit but with a little help from my friends, I’m pretty sure that means her insurance payment per month would be a nice $930.

Now that she is out on the road, she decided to have a little text conversation with B and she spat out some real gems like when B told her to “drive like a granny” she replied with, “I tried for a bit but then I got bored! Hehe, I am careful though. It took me a minute to feel comfortable driving – it was a weird feeling.”

Even more fun, “My wheels are making helicopter sounds. I think it is the brakes. They make noises when I step on them but they are working perfectly. I tested them. I think he just needs a good drive. It’s all just noise and you know the fix for that? Radio!"

When she got home tonight, she informed me that has $1.40 left in her account and that it has to last her until pay day this Friday. It’s Monday, in case you didn’t know. Oh, and she only has half a tank of gas and Wednesday is her day off so you can guarantee there will be a driving adventure of epic proportions.