Declined.

Earlier this week, M asked B if she would meet her for coffee to “talk about something.” Oh, I know, this sounds juicier than a Costco pack of fuckin’ Juicy Fruit and I’m all over it. As soon as I heard about this, I pushed my way into this coffee date faster than a cockroach when the sun comes up. Unfortunately, and likely due to my presence, nothing of interest was discussed but I am certain that when it happens, I will get all of the torrid details from our girl on the inside, B.

It is important to mention that M bought everyone’s drinks/food at Starbucks because she gets a discount and it is a whole lot easier than us pooling our money together and calculating how much this, that, and the other thing is. Why is this important? Well, after Starbucks, we went to the insurance centre so that M could pay off everything she needs to in order to get her car on Monday. Can you feel it coming? Yes, it certainly is a shame that her debit card got DECLINED due to insufficient funds!

When we got home, she immediately checked her online banking to see her balance. Much to her dismay, and my utter glee, she realized that she was only FOUR DOLLARS short and that if she hadn’t bought those beverages at Starbucks, she’d be sitting pretty.

And that, folks, is why you don’t eat other people’s ketchup. Karma is a mean old bitch.