There's a problem.

Even when she’s not home, she still manages to drive me up the wall.

It never fails. When M cooks, the pots boil over – every time. I know this, because there is always a mess around the heating elements of the stove. I also know this because I am the person who always cleans them. As if you needed another reason, I also know this because when I turn the stove on, it always smells like the burning pasta she has dropped into the element.

Well, tonight, I decided to make myself a lovely dinner. Oddly enough, I started to smell burning. I lift up the pot I was using and notice pieces of spaghetti in the element slowly turning black. Isn’t that just grand! Then I see SMOKE billowing out of every other element on the stove. I frantically start pulling the elements that I wasn’t using out and peer inside to see if there is a fire. Nothing that I could tell, but the smoke was still coming. So with oven mitts on, I took out the element I was using and underneath was what I imagine hell looks like. Charred and black. What the hell IS it?

Guess who cleaned the shit up? You got it, ding ding! Me. I scrubbed for ages and it is still completely black. She’ll come home and not even realize anything has happened. That is until I bitch her out.

Oh, and if you are going to use ketchup as pasta sauce… BUY YOUR OWN FUCKING HEINZ, BITCH!